Sheila Ponders

DISCOVERING PATHS

2007-10-26T13:44:00.000-07:00

Linear flow and textures call my pen to write.
What does it want to say?
Or, Is it simply enough to play?
Have the letters play With the spaces?

What is hiding here? Is it eerie? Is it safe?
The shadow speaks above.
The hidden eye.
Is it an eye? Is it a mouth?

Words of my heart waiting to be expressed?
A river flows.
Steady rhythm strumming down the bank
Gently it plays along my being.
Soothing, Calming, Feeding The Fibers of my soul.

How sweet it is!

(Note - The words here were inspired by, and written on, a photo of a wood knot on the boardwalk of Green Cay Wetlands. You can see the original photo of this wood knot and others from a morning walk, in Picture to Ponder, Vol. 3 - Issue 62.)

Dwelling on What's Missing - Lessons Learned -Gratitude

2007-08-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

There is brightness and light amidst the pastel leaves of those past their prime. Life is still full and rich.

In my last post, I was dwelling on the dying part of the Fireflag scene. At the same time, I spent a large portion of the day dwelling on what's missing in my life with Sam, as Parkinson's does its ravaging on him. What's missing every time I get in that state is the Gratitude for, and acknowledgment of, what is good in our lives.

Sam's balance is great, his walking fine. We took a great walk around our neighborhood tonight... nine-tenths of a mile is the route and we had fun looking at rabbits in the dark and, frogs on well-lit driveways, geckos on a garage door. Sam even responded to some questions.

What's always present is our love for each other and, especially, Sam's unconditional love for me, no matter what I do, how temporarily nasty I may get.

For this and so much more, am I grateful.

Fireflag - Life and Death - Mourning

2007-08-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

A spotted leaf catches my eye,
As we walk in Wakodahatchee Wetlands
I zoom in really close
and see all kinds of patterns, holes and all kinds of decay, also.

I step back and go for the color
Too mooshy and scattered, like my life right now.

Time to focus in
I like this one. It's stately and expressive
In its half-dead, yet showing life state.
There is a fully live leaf and
Even though shadows are cast,
it remains bright -
Strongly contrasted with all the death around.

Is this one the Dance of Death?
It looks very lively, swirling
and at the same time, peaceful
Despite the dark hole of the unknown.

I love the softness of the faded colors which
Simply look mellow not dead.
The light does it, I suppose.

A little character in the upper right,
Guards the entrance to the dark space.
He/it looks quite at peace peace with it all.

Looking more closely now
It almost seems like a tiger's head resting there.

Can I, too, be peaceful and at rest?

As I chose photos for, and wrote, today's Picture to Ponder, I wondered how much of my reasponses were colored by my frustration and anger at Sam's not being able to talk to me. He can speak and I keep thinking, or operating from, that he is purposely refusing. My head knows my judgment is incorrect and yet I keep agitating me and, undoubtedly, him too.

The bottom line is I miss my companion and lover from our first 41 or 42 years together. Though we've now just marked our 47th wedding anniversary, it's not the same.

This Parkinson's Disease with which he is afflicted is an insidious disease AND I realize that my anger, my screaming my yelling is even more insidious. How to shift is the ever present question.

Time for a walk. I'm thinking that's really at the root of my raging today is my dwelling on all of this. Time to move on to Gratitude.

Stopped or Moving Forward?

2007-06-20T15:28:00.000-07:00

All alone -
Standing still or
Moving forward?

The angled direction looks strong.
Where is the other foot?
Does it matter?

Looking closely at the surroundings,
There are some glimmers of aid.
Can they be called in?
Will they help?

The light is bright on the forward toe;
On part of the heel in the back also.

Does that mean the past is bright enough,
Sound enough,
To support the future?

After all is pondered and said,
It comes down to, simply,
"One step at a time!"

©2007 Sheila Finkelstein

Banana Sky DVD

2007-06-20T15:19:00.000-07:00

Happy days. I just realized that I can actually upload the one minute preview of Banana Sky onto this blog.

Thank you for clicking the arrow to view this preview the Banana Sky DVD. Insofar as the relaxation aspect of it, on the full DVD, the photos fade in an out for a smooth and comfortable transition. Enjoy.

You can find information on the full version on BananaSkyDVD.com.

Banana Tree Photos and Music -DVD Launched

2007-02-17T06:29:00.000-08:00

For five and a half months the Draft for the post just below this has been sitting unattended, unpublished. I looked at it this morning and it was fine. No changes necessary, except for the spelling of Arica. I had "Eureka" palms. Probably sums up my feelings at the time. Too bad my need for perfection ends up in so much procrastination.

Yesterday I put out ordering information for the DVD that has resulted from my passion for the tree and all the photos I took, and continue to take. Happily I've arranged with, and gotten permission from, Jeannie Fitzsimmons, ASCAP, to use a piece of her beautiful healing music as background for this wonderful endless loop flowing of more than 100 photos.

Slide shows of the leaves, reflections, and the sky often brought be peace after a bout of anger at the manifestations of the Parkinon's Disease with which my husband has been afflicted. If it worked for me, I realized it might work for other carepartners who might love a DVD to pop into their players for viewing on TV.

I've thus mastered some of the technological features of my computer and created it. See BANANA SKY for details. Not only does the music and photography offer respite and transformation for care givers, the combination gives anyone viewing it pleasure, relaxation and the opportunity to regain balance.

To find out more about Jeannie and listen to clips of her music, go to LotusHeartMusic.com

Banana Tree Transformation

2006-09-04T13:01:00.000-07:00

Photo - 7/4/06

Sometime toward the end of June I purchased and planted this banana tree. It was only $12.95. For one who always seems to measure everything by its cost and being a "good buy," this sure was one AND it fit in our car; so I bought it. I had no idea that this tree was going to start impacting my thoughts and my camera the way it has, so I did not think to photograph the day I planted it. The photo above was taken on July 4, 2006. I am assuming, since I did not take many photos, that the growth was relatively slow.

In the beginning of August I started photographing frequently and in the latter part of the month it became two, sometimes, three times a day that I went out with my camera. I became intrigued with each leaf as it started extending itself as a straight stalk, then gradually unrolled itself, ultimately into a rich full leaf. In the last week or two the leaves started splitting far more quickly and with more slits than before. They actually wound up looking the Arica palms that back them.

My aim in posting this today is to simply get started and to provide the space for more responsive writing to individual leaves and segments of leaves.

Identifying Purpose while Reflecting on Envy

2006-07-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in my Picture to Ponder photo ezine I wrote about my experience with a visiting friend and the jealousy which kicked in, almost on automatic, as I compared photos that we each took of something that had caught my eye first. I found myself preferring hers more, totally forgetting that my purpose in life, as I express it, is to inspire others to see things newly, differently and with passion.

The experience served as the basis for the issue's Self-Reflecting Queries and I went on the write an article that I think is important and put it on my web site - Jealousy and Identifying Purpose which I'd like to share here.

The two photos:

Photo © Sheila Finkelstein

Photo © Ina R. Ames

THE ARTICLE -

COMPARING PHOTOS
Last week I visited the American Orchid Society Greenhouse and Gardens in Delray Beach, FL with my Bostonian friend Ina Ames. One of countless visits for me, it was a first for her.

During a large portion of her long weekend visit, Ina kept repeating, "I don't take good pictures" and she wound up taking a wonderful grouping of orchid and plant photos. As we viewed the photos on my television screen, I was certain that hers were far better than mine. (Note - the .jpgs burned onto a CD will play in a DVD player. At least it will on mine, attached to our TV.)

I began to realize in reflecting that what was present for her was her enthusiasm and excitement of discovery. That's what came through, for sure, in her high quality photos - her being and her eye, into her camera and out through the photographs. I had been pretty much in the state of "been here, done that, nothing much new today."

One of her photos that I most loved was the anthurium "flower" peeking out from behind the leaf shown above. Ironically I had directed her to the view, pointing it out to her. Not surprisingly, jealousy, the human part of me, kicked in at hers being "the more exciting photo" when I compared them. I especially liked the lighting and richness of colors, probably due to technical differences in our two cameras.

Stepping back and looking "over my shoulder," so-to-speak, at the situation I realized two things. One was related to my purpose, the other to what I'm willing to do in relation to technical learning.

MISSION
My purpose is to open people up to seeing things in new and different ways, in many cases things or situations that they never would have seen prior to our interactions. For the most part a viewfinder and a camera become the tools and access for this.

My purpose had been fulfilled with Ina, resulting from all of our photographic interactions, including the PICTURE TO PONDER photos which she regularly appreciates and shares with her daughter during a break for spirit refreshing at work.

Because I am human, this is not the only instance where I've noticed that little jealousy demon pricking me when people I've mentored move on "to do as well or better than I." (My own, self-inflicted judgments.)

TECHNICAL
I am self-taught with my camera and I usually shut down when I study and experiment with different settings on it and then don't make note of what I've done. I simply love the camera for the access to joy and discovery that it provides for me.

Bottom line, I am comfortable and have not furthered myself by taking any classes.

CHOICES
As I continue my reflections I realize I have a choice. I can be "small" and dwell in jealousy, or I can simply recognize and dismiss it any time and stand in the power and joy of having met my goals and made a difference with my students and "mentorees." I do think the latter is far more powerful, don't you?

And, in terms of the technical aspect, I can stay comfortable with what I do now with my camera, at the same time staying in that little fear that I might be discovered as "not good enough" - again my own self-inflicted judgment. Or, I can take a course, since book-learning doesn't do it for me, and expand and empower myself. I shall do that in the Fall.

POSTSCRIPT
Looking at the photos with fresh eyes several days later, I am able to appreciate other elements in the photos and simply recognize that each has its own merits.

ADDED NOTE
Earlier, I mentioned Ina R. Ame's business. Totally unrelated to art, you can find her Rim and Wheel business at rim and wheelworks.com Know that if you ever have need for her shop's services you can take advantage of them from anyplace in the States.

Thank you, dear friend, for allowing me to share our experience in this article and in PICTURE TO PONDER - V2 - Issue 62, as well as the photograph you took.

©2006 Sheila Finkelstein

Photography as Access to Transformation

2006-06-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

As I build my business and study different sources, I'm reminded of the power of blogging and the importance of frequent, almost daily, posting. Then, I see it's almost 3 weeks since I've posted here.

I am therefore starting a post today, more of an article, to which I'll come back later. In Friday's PICTURE TO PONDER, I featured two photos of shadows on the boardwalk railing at Wakodatchee. The first, above, was strictly of zigzag lines which gave off a feeling of being bombarded.

The second, below, shows how clarity sets in when we step back and look at the bigger picture.

In fact several of the subscribers wrote that these photos and the Self-Reflecting Queries created a major shift for them. The queries were:

"Where in your life right now are you being pounded with self-defeating thoughts? I invite you to step back and relook at the situation(s). Can you now see some clarity? Are there some actions you can take that will move you forward, out of the morass?

Have fun with it. Play and if you have a camera I invite you to do some photographing. Simply play with the photos and see what becomes available for you in mood shift. Perhaps new directions will also open up with the totally unrelated challenges looked at in the exercise above. "

PHOTO/WRITING - UNDER WATER

2006-06-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Feel like I'm drowning
Buried over/under with angst, agitation and anger
And yet it feels so smooth, so calm.

Words, not lines, are what makes this work.

There is a ladder - steps.
Take me up and out
Anchored tightly, bolted in.

What is the foundation of my life?
Does it matter where I start?

Swimming here - alone
I'm not even in the water
The words and tensions ebb and flow
Leave the space - empty or fill it up?

Along the sides, and secure, are the bolts that hold the steps.
The bolts will anchor
Lead the way
Hold.

©June 2006 Sheila Finkelstein

Since this seems so disjointed, I'm moved to explain the process. I loved the peace and serenity of the photo, as shown in Picture to Ponder - Vol 2 - Issue 52 . Something had me print out 2 copies to enjoy, one on glossy photo paper, the other on paper on which I could draw or write.

The latter became my pallette for free form writing. Starting 1/3 of the way up from the bottom I started writing, moving my thoughts along the waves and lines.

What you've read above are the words in the sequence in which I wrote them. Some of the writing is descriptive of my feeling state at the time and some of it is commentary on what I was thinking as I used the space.

Bottom line for me now is the overall feel of the photo/writing piece as a work of art. The word flow was the release and what remains is the rhythm of the pen creating another dimension.

SHINING THE LIGHT

2006-06-01T18:40:00.000-07:00

Here comes Sheila with her camera again.
Shall I wave her away or welcome her with open arms?
I always see her out of the eyes in the back of my head
Taking all kinds of pictures here in Wakodahatchee Wetlands where I reside.

Loads of cameras here, tripods and long lenses often line the boardwalk.
Sheila sometimes tucks in between to see and capture the views people most people love
And many times she's taking pictures that others don't think to take.

Hmmm. She's stopping now, looking up at me, for the first time.
I wonder. Will she see who I think I am, who I know myself to be?
Or will she stay with the world view of what I do?

Evidently she has it.
I see her calling some people over to point out, in her camera,
Who she perceived me to be.

I'm flapping my winged arms in glee.
My narrowed eyes open more
I can face the world with pride,
Knowing that I've made a difference far beyond
Simply being part of a team lighting the parking lot

Others now are sure to be expanding on the light
That ignites the inner fires of discovery and transformation.

Will you be one of them?

CORROSION or TRANSFORMATION

2006-05-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

(written as I was completing Vol2 - Issue 48 of PICTURE TO PONDER)

Outdated, ugly, past my prime and usefulness
Corroded with rust
Broken metal has sharp edges

What's the point?
Why am I still here?
How long will I last?

Oh... There she is.
That Sheila with her camera.

I hear that through her lens
She discovers great beauty sometimes.
(Am I beautiful?)
Certainly she captures things of interest that most people miss.

The thing she says she most enjoys
Is when others start seeing more also.

I am now content.
I know I have a place in the world, on the web, in your memory
Matters not that my memory's gone
I can't even recall what my function was

I'm sure I must have made a difference AND
NOW I can rest, for sure, knowing that
Something has been captured here

That will alter the way many of you
start perceiving new and differently
Transforming pieces of your own lives.

(Hmmm. Was I a transformer?)

©2006 Sheila Finkelstein
Interested in using your own camera to experience an enhanced view of the world? If so, check out THROUGH THE LENS: Access to Transformation, a 4 session telecourse.

WRITE NOW

2006-05-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

Once again I am participating in very generous Julie Jordan Scott's 42 Days of Writing Passionately a program which, in the past, has reached unknown parts of me in my writing. I heartily recommend all of Julie's programs.

I am moved to share my free-flow writing from yesterday's session which seems to be somewhat of a follow-up to my WORDS posting in January. As a matter of fact, I think I wrote that during another of Julie's writing programs.

Given I say the writing in this blog is inspired mainly by photos, though it wasn't the source, I've included an image of the photo journal in which I write. The prompt for the session was:

"Right now I intend to pay attention to..."
To writing more, to writing regularly.

To allow myself to separate from my thoughts, my judgments
To be on the page with what comes
To trust that it IS right, whatever comes out
That it will and does make a difference for me and others who dance with my words
For that is what it is a dance of life.

The words move back and forth
They may have a lilt, a clang - harumph'
They hit a sore point, no not sore -
Rather magical to connect and make a difference, sometimes pivotal.
On her toes she spins, she dances gracefully accepting, embracing all there is.

©2006 Sheila Finkelstein

CHAINED

2006-05-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

A prisoner, caged in, caught up, captured -

A prisoner of thoughts
Caged in by circumstances
Caught up in rights and wrongs
Captured by life

All thoughts triggered by a simple golden leaf entwined in a chain link fence
The leaf rendered golden by the late afternoon sun.

Went back today - 3 days later.
Leaf is gone
Checked the series of photographs taken

Discovered it wasn't as locked in as I thought
Seems only the top portion was hooked onto the fence
Probably only took some minor wind to free it.

Now to human life

When we look, we may find the thing setting up
What we think are chains, fences, barriers, locks and cages

Actually have only a very small catch
Simply needing some overall light to shine the way

And then a simple breeze to
Letting go - Release.

©2006 Sheila Finkelstein

WORDS FUNCTION -

2006-01-07T18:14:00.000-08:00

(2 Great Blue Herons in Wakodahatchee speak about waiting for their dinner)

Words can bring the world alive, dance across the lines out into
space, flinging beauty - words of love - inspiration, facts and new
beginnings.

Words can be small; they can be light. They can be heavy with
expression of sadness. Glee can come from joy or from the relief of
tension.

Words are the keys to this disjointed world.

©2005 Sheila Finkelstein
http://www.eteletours.com